I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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