I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
