I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize