She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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