Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
