dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
