I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
