she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
