I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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