I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize