So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize