FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
