Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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