I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
