Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
