I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
