I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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