it hurts more in the daytime
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
