She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
