My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
