We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
