I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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