I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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