We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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