he shaved USA in his pubs
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
