please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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