If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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