And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
