At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
