I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
