i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
