I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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