You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
