he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
