if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
