Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
