I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
