Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
