i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
