I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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