Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize