i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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