the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
