Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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