what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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