If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
