God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
