the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
