Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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