my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
