It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
