Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
