The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
