At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
