Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
