dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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