i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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