we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
