i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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