I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
