you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
