the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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