i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
