he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
