Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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