I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
