Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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