@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
sarcasm needs its own font
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
