She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
