I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
