no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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